My Summary
by Dewfrost
Summary: FORMERLY KONICIAWA'S I picked up this fic with their permission a funny summary of Warriors
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I, Dewfrost picked this fic up with koniciawa's permission! Just a spoof of the Warriors series. These first three chappies are theirs- but I put in my Chapter 4**

Warriors: The Summary

A/N: Disclaimer: I dont own any of this, just plot. Got? Good.

Chapter One: The Plan

Firepaw, what are you doing? Its time for training, our first one!" Graypaw mewed.

Really? Firepaw replied.

Yeah! We can go to Twolegplace and growl at all of the Twolegs walking, by, and when they run, we run! Graypaw meowed.

I never knew you have that kind of imagination. But its a good idea. Lets go ask Bluestar!

Okay!

Will all cats old enough to catch their own prey please come to the Great Rock for a Clan meeting.

Most of the cats were muttering because there were no new apprentices, no new warriors, so what was this for? Except Graypaw and Firepaw, with smug looks on their faces knew what was going on.

I have sent three messengers to go get the other Clans.

Mutters began again.

We are going to Twolegplace to growl at Twolegs. Graypaw and Firepaw say its fun.

Uh huh! mewed Graypaw.

Yeah! exclaimed Firepaw.

Okay, now we wait for the other clans!


	2. Into the Wild

Warriors: The Summary

A/N: Disclaimer: I dont own any of this, just plot. Got? Good.

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Chapter Two: Wheres the Other Clans?

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The next day, all three of the messenger cats came back without the other Clans.

Where are the other Clans? Bluestar meowed.

WindClan was not there, replied Lionheart.

Neither was ShadowClan, mewed Darkstripe.

Nor RiverClan, Whitestorm put in.

Hm, Bluestar wondered aloud, where could they be?

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Fireheart, Graystripe, you two are to find WindClan and bring them back. Whitestorm, Runningwind, you two look for RiverClan. Longtail, Mousefur, you two look for ShadowClan, Got it? Bluestar ordered.

Yes, they all agreed.

"So, lets get going!" Fireheart mewed.


	3. Fire and Ice

Chapter Three: WindClan

So where should we look first? Graystripe asked.

I dont know, not the WindClan camp though, they werent there. Fireheart replied.

Hm.

I think I found them! Fireheart yowled.

Really? Where? Graystripe replied.

I can smell them!

So can I! Lets follow the trail.

Good idea.

o0o0o0o0o

Fireheart and Graystripe followed the trail until

AH! Fireheart yowled.

What is it? Graystripe hurried over to help his friend.

Its the mouse brained rabbits! They keep attacking me arent we supposed to be the predators here, not the prey?

Whats that dead rabbit doing over there? Did you attack it?

No.

Then why is it there?

I dont know, theres another one over there, Fireheart twitched his tail in the direction of the rabbit, and theres another one past it, maybe it a trail for any cat that wanders out to find WindClan?

Good idea, but it might be a trap.

Hm true. So what will we do? Bluestar will be disappointed if we dont find WindClan.

Yeah, I say we follow the trail.

o0o0o0o

WINDCLAN! Fireheart and Graystripe yowled at the same time, WE FOUND YOU! Time for you to go home


	4. Forest of Secrets

**Konciawa offered this fic up, and I couldn't miss it. It's my first random one...tell me if you like it!**

Ravenpaw came running into the ThunderClan camp one morning. "HEY BLUESTAR!" he shouted. "HEY EVERYBODY! OAKHEART SAID THAT YOU CAN'T HURT STONEFUR! He said it a long time ago, but I forgot before then because...um...well, the series would be way too short if I told the whole real story back then. All right? 'Bye!"

He ran away, just as Fireheart came out of the warriors' den. He saw that Bluestar looked sad, so he ran over. "What's up, O great leader of the forest that I-"

"It's...it's Oakheart!" sobbed Bluestar. "I loved him! And we had kits, by the way. I was gonna keep them, but I had a Tigerclaw moment back there and gave them up. And now...now I regret it suddenly! Even though not that long ago I was all set to raid RiverClan!"

"Bummer." Fireheart licked a paw. "Oh, wait! Yeah! Graystripe's got almost the same problem! His girlfriend's gonna have kits!"

"What? Kits? NOOOOOO! It'll end badly! I know it! NOOO!"

At that moment Cinderpelt came into camp, carrying two cats. One supposedly was exactly like her mother, only it said before that her mother had green eyes and the kit had blue eyes. The other looked like Graystripe. No arguments there.

"Their mother's dead," Cinderpelt announced.

Fireheart looked at Bluestar. "How'd you know?"

Bluestar opened her eyes very wide. " 'Tis she-cat's intuition," she meowed mysteriously.

&&&

Spottedleaf came to Fireheart into a dream. "WATER CAN QUENCH FIRE."

"What's that mean?" asked Fireheart, stupidly not noticing the way that his pelt, as it stated repeatedly, glowed like a flame.

"WATER CAN QUENCH FIRE." Spottedleaf meowed unhelpfully.

"Yeah, I heard, but what's it mean?"

That's when he woke up.

&&&

When Fireheart came back to camp, the cats were fighting rogues. He ran to Bluestar's den, and saw that she was fighting Tigerclaw. "I can't believe it!" she yowled. "My she-cat intuition didn't forsee this! It has failed me!"

"CHARGE!" yelled Whitestorm, coming into camp just then to chase out the rogues.

"NO!" Tigerclaw snarled, and Fireheart pushed his head in the dirt. "I've always wanted to do that," he purred. "And this."

He picked Tigerclaw up by the scruff and carried him up the gorse tunnel, tossing him out into the ravine. "SEE YA, SUCKA!"


	5. Rising Storm

**New chappie, Rising Storm. Only a bit different than the book...**

Sandstorm padded into camp in the middle of greenleaf, looking pleased with herself. "Guess what, peeps?" she yowled. "I officially have green eyes! You know when it said they were golden? They're not! They're green now! Check 'em out, Firey!"

She leaped over to Fireheart and stared at him intently, and he found that his pelt was itching from her gaze. He finally concluded that he must have fleas.

Then she left. Fireheart was looking after her and didn't see Cinderpelt hobbling up to him until she hissed, "She SO likes you, dude. Go for it."

&&&

"Come on, Cloudpaw, keep up!" Fireheart called to his apprentice, who was bobbing behind him as they ran through the forest. "Great StarClan, what are you eating?"

"Meow Mix," Cloudpaw meowed, and his blue eys got all cloudy. "MUST- HAVE- MEOW- MIX!" he shrieked, and tore off for Twolegplace. Fireheart charged after him.

Cloudpaw, caught in the spell of the Meow Mix, plowed straight into the Twoleg nest and then was caught by the Twolegs. Fireheart watched in horror as his Meow Mix-stricken nephew was taken away.

"He's my only kin," he meowed to Sandstorm, who was beside him.

"WHAT?" she snarled. "What about me? I like you, mouse-brain! AND YOU DON'T CARE? I HATE YOU!"

She sprinted away, and Cinderpelt, who was convienently walking by just then, meowed to Fireheart, "Dude, she's fiery. Score."

&&&

Fireheart crawled back to Sandstorm, and she forgave him, of course. However, she would soon get angry at him again, and then forgive him, and they'd have to go through the whole deal again.

Then there was the fire. It happened while One-Eye was celebrating, that, for the time being, she had become "One-Eye" with two capitals instead of "One-eye" with only one. She accidentally tripped over something and caused a spark that set the whole camp on fire.

So they went for refuge in the RiverClan camp, where Fireheart saw Graystripe again. "DUDE!" he purred, leaping forward. Graystripe came forward too. "OMIGOD! I haven't seen you in, like, FOREVER!"

They butted heads with an audiable cracking sound and ran around yelling "dude!" and "awesome!".

"So whassup with Bluestar?" Graystripe asked finally.

Fireheart looked over at his leader, who was being protected by Whitestorm, who, as Cinderpelt the resident gossip would say, "SO had a crush on her".

"I dunno," he meowed at last. "Tigerclaw got to her. Or maybe she just ate some bad fresh-kill."

Graystripe nodded sagely. "Perhaps it's something in the water."

**Was it something in the water that made Bluestar start to lose her mind? The world will never know...**


	6. A Dangerous

**Sorry for the long wait. Here it is, A Dangerous Path- what REALLY happened. Maybe. **

Fireheart stared up at the Great Rock. "OMIGOD! Tigerclaw! What's he doing up there?" he muttered to Sandstorm, and then realized that he had to be up there too.

At first he thought, obviously, of using this prime opportunity to expose Tigerclaw...well, Tigerstar now. Then he started thinking of all the reasons not to, and then all the side effects. By the time he'd gone through them all, he'd totally forgotten about exposing Tigerstar, so he just let it lie.

Bluestar was mad about it. And, because of the bad water she'd had after Tigerstar's betrayal, she decided to attack WindClan. "They're EVIL, Fireheart!" she mewed. "Don't you see it? Rabbit thieves!"

"That doesn't make sense, Bluestar," meowed Fireheart earnestly.

"Yes, I know. The real reason is...well, you know Morningflower? They're always going on about how beautiful she is, and not me! I get 'wise' and 'powerful' but never pretty. Doesn't anyone care about my feelings? No! So I'm gettin' my revenge!" And she purred maniacally and walked away, leaving Fireheart quite confused.

&&&

With a bit of help, Fireheart stopped the battle with WindClan. Tallstar, unknown by any of the others, gave a speech to Bluestar to assure her that she was, in fact, beautiful. He also did a bit of karoke on that topic and refused to stop singing until she stopped the battle.

Unfortunately, now there were dogs in ThunderClan territory. Though the cats all thought they were attacking them, they were really quite innocent. Dogs and cats don't speak the same language. So when the cats heard "pack" and "kill", they were actually hearing...

"MARCO!" cried one dog, leaping around Snakerocks.

"POLO!" shouted another, peeping out a cave. "POLO, you idiot! No, don't walk over there!"

Quite accidentally, the second dog had stepped on Swiftpaw, who was trying and failing to join in the game of "Marco, Polo". Switpaw was squished, and the dogs cried over him, promising to keep him in their hearts for the rest of their lives. Sadly, they were soon distracted by a piece of chocolate strategically placed by Tigerstar and in the process trampled Brightpaw, who would live through the accident. In fact, it was a good thing, because it finally gave Cloudpaw the courage to say that he liked her.

&&&

The dogs, thanks to short attention spans, were soon playing Marco Polo again, this time racing through the forest and snacking on rabbits that Tigerstar had left them. Fireheart decided that he had to stop them, so he decided to lead them over the waterfall.

And it all worked out really well. The dogs were extremely happy that the cats wanted to play Marco Polo with them, and chased them one by one on their way to the gorge. Fireheart was last, and the lead dog followed him, growling as loud as he could. "MARCO!"

Fireheart, for his own reasons, would not answer "polo". This annoyed the dog a bit. After all, what kind of idiot didn't know to yell "polo"? "Marco!" he howled again, hoping to help. But still Fireheart didn't answer.

They were nearing the gorge now. Fireheart saw it of course, but the dog didn't, because, like all good "Marco, Polo" players, he had his eyes tightly shut. They had almost reached the edge when Tigerstar cannoned out from the bushes and attacked Fireheart. The lead dog, mad that his "Marco, Polo" partner was being attacked, tried to bite Tigerstar. But since his eyes were still shut, he accidentally grabbed Fireheart.

Then Bluestar appeared. She assessed the situation quickly, then pushed the lead dog over the gorge. He howled the whole way down. "DUDES! JUMP! C'MON!"

The truly hard-core pack members jumped after him, though the rest of them ran away. Bluestar jumped too, and the lead dog turned to look at her as they plummeted towards the ground. "Hey," he asked, momentarily remembering that he spoke cat. "Why'd you jump?"

"Just to see," purred Bluestar. "It doesn't matter- I'm going to die, anyway."

"Awwwww..." growled the lead dog.

"Don't worry," Bluestar assured him. "It was SO obvious, and besides, I was just getting in Fireheart's way by now. But it's still gonna be really moving and all that."

"Oh, okay," said the lead dog placidly. He saw the water beneath him and looked excitedly over at his fellow pack members. "THIS IS GOING TO BE SO COOL!" he barked. "Now we can play REAL 'Marco, Polo', in the water!"

**The Darkest Hour is next...**

**Please review!**


	7. The Darkest Hour

**Sorry I dropped this fic for so long. I've had the beginning done for a while, and finally thought of how to end it today. Here is is- The Darkest Hour, how it REALLY happened. **

**You know, maybe.**

"So, in conclusion," called Fireheart from the Highrock, "Bluey went nuts, the dogs are out having Marco Polo fun, I let Tigerstar escape- _again_- and Mistyfoot and Stonefur are our bestest friends."

There was quiet for a bit, and then Darkstripe meowed, "And we're supposed to let _you _be our leader?"

The cats below growled in disagreement, and Goldenflower hissed, "Dude. Don't go there."

Darkstripe shut up under the fierce stare of the queen, and Fireheart meowed cheerfully, "Right, then, I'm off to the Moonstone!"

&&&

Fireheart got his nine lives, and Bluestar gave him the new name of Firestar. "Spiffy, isn't it?" she meowed fondly.

Spottedleaf cleared her throat, and then all the StarClan cats scattered. Apparently they were afraid, and in their fear had momentarily forgotten that they were dead and nothing could hurt them. Bones appeared on the edge of the clearing.

"AWESOME!" yowled Firestar. "I WANT ONE!"

"Shut up," meowed Bluestar, who had appeared beside him. "Four will become two. Lion and tiger will meet in battle, and blood will rule the forest. Something like that, anyway."

"Four? Two?" mewed Firestar.

"Yes, you idiot! Can't you count?"

"Yeah!" meowed Firestar, hurt by this remark. "One plus one is two. One plus two is three. One plus three is...erm..."

Bluestar rolled her eyes.

&&&

So Firestar's leadership was off to a good start. The only trouble was Darkstripe, so Firestar approached him one evening to sort it out.

"Look, dude, you have to do something evil," meowed Firestar.

"Why?" asked Darkstripe.

Firestar sighed. "Because you don't like me. I'm the hero. Therefore, dude, you have to be evil. And I have to be justified in kicking you out of ThunderClan- and you need to do something evil for me to be able to do that."

"So," mewed Darkstripe, "You're saying that because I don't like you, and you're the hero, that makes me bad?"

"Yeah."

"And you want me to prove that by doing something sinister?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh, okay," meowed Darkstripe, and he went off to poison Sorrelkit.

&&&

Now Graystripe and Firestar were on a top secret spy mission, complete with walkie-talkies. They had also enlisted the help of Ravenpaw, who had been coming to visit them at that precise moment.

"How come you're all brave now?" asked Graystripe curiously of Ravenpaw. "I mean, you've gone through a total personality-makeover from Into the Wild."

Ravenpaw gave him a sly grin. "I'm not afraid of Tigerstar anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Ravenpaw sniggered. "Because...the authors called him TIGERPAW! Isn't that hilarious? TIGERPAW!"

He had a hysterical laughing attack and ran around until he hit a tree. Graystripe and Firestar rolled their eyes as they carried him towards the TigerClan camp, where Tigerstar (Tiger_paw_, thought Firestar evilly) was seated on a pile of bones, supervising the ripping up of a bunch of prey. Graystripe looked at it sadly. His stomach rumbled.

"Dude. Don't even think about it, over," Firestar warned via walkie-talkie.

"I _wasn't_, bro," Graystripe growled. "And why are you talking to me through the walkie-talkie when I'm right next to you?"

"Because it's awesome, over."

"I don't-"

"You're supposed to say 'over', over," Firestar informed him.

"Shut up, Firestar."

"You-"

"Over."

Then his eyes fell upon Tigerstar's prisoners, who had inexplicably been turned on by every one of their Clanmates. "MY KITS!" he screeched, so angry he forgot to say "over". "YOU'RE GOING DOWN, TIGERPAW!"

He started to launch himself at Tigerstar, but tripped over Ravenpaw and fell on the ground.

"Wow, I hope your kits didn't get your coordination, over," Firestar commented.

&&&

They sneaked down to retrieve Stormpaw and Featherpaw once Tigerstar and his posse was gone. They were, of course, delighted to see them. Mistyfoot was down there, too, and she came out with her eyes shining, wondering if this meant that Graystripe was finally going to return her secret crush.

He didn't.

Back at the camp, Tawnypaw was missing. Bramblepaw sadly came ambling up to Firestar. "I can't find her ANYWHERE!" he wailed. "She's GONE!"

"And it's all _your fault_!" Goldenflower hissed as she passed by.

"No it's not," Bramblepaw defended Firestar. "You did everything you could."

He surveyed Firestar. "Oh my StarClan," he meowed. "Did I just say that?"

"Yes," Firestar assured him.

"_Noooo! _They're trying to transform me, Firestar! I was all fierce and awesome in the last book, and now I'm a...suck up!"

Firestar looked at him cheerfully. "On the bright side, you're a lot like me now."

Bramblepaw screamed.

&&&

Firestar was depressed. RiverClan and ShadowClan were against him now...and StarClan hadn't told him what to do. He walked with his head down, and didn't notice the huge neon sign someone had put up at Sunningrocks.

**Join with WindClan and make LionClan, you dolt.**

"What do I do?" he cried. "Give me an answer!"

He thought he might see, in the sky, something that looked like two blue eyes rolling. What was that supposed to mean?

The Clan leader headed to the stream, and bent down to take a drink. When he looked at the water, however, his head had been replaced with a lion's head. It scared the crap out of him, and he jumped back, only to see Spottedleaf across the water.

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought you might want to, you know, hang out."

"But you're dead."

"Well, duh," Spottedleaf sighed, disgusted. She meowed, "Look into the stream."

Firestar did, and he saw the lion's head again. His eyes grew very wide, and Spottedleaf leaped forward excitedly. "Do you see?"

"Yes."

"What do you see, Firestar?"

"I see..."

"_Yes_...?"

"Look at me! Look at how awesome I am, Spottedleaf! I mean, I _knew _I was awesome- why else would I be all perfect and not make any mistakes and have everyone who doesn't like me be evil? Except Dustpelt, and he's going to lose all his kits. And Goldenflower right now, but she's going to become Longtail's seeing-eye dog-"

Spottedleaf rolled her eyes and hit him with a rock.

"Ow."

&&&

Back at camp, Firestar met up with Sandstorm. She pressed her muzzle against his in greeting, and they both purred.

"Want to come and...share my den with me?" asked Firestar.

Cinderpelt whistled, Dustpelt grumbled, Cloudtail went, "Way to go, Uncle Firestar!" and Graystripe, who had been walking by with Stormpaw and Featherpaw just then, leaped on top of them and pressed their faces into the dust.

"NO, CHILDREN!" he screamed. "SHIELD YOUR EYES!"

&&&

WindClan had been attacked, and there was a meeting to sort it out. As Cloudtail explained afterward:

"Well, everything was, you know, tense. And then there was this, like, _huge _fight, because Uncle Firestar and Old Man Tallstar wouldn't agree with Tigerstar and Leo. And then, out of NOWHERE, there came these cats. They were scary, man, I don't know when I'd ever been so scared. And he killed Tigerstar, totally proving that there was no StarClan, because I mean, like- he only had one life, right? It was awesome. And then I thought everyone would start cheering, but the little cat that killed him came forward. And he said we had three days, or he'd kill us. It reminded me of this movie this one time that Brightheart and I saw, and there was this little Twoleg kit, and she was all like, 'Seven-"

"Cloudtail, dear," mewed Brightheart as she came by.

"Yeah?"

"Please shut up."

&&&

So there was a battle. Firestar got to lead all the Clans, and he was scared, even though he kept muttering to himself, "I'm the hero, I can't die. I'm the hero, I can't die."

Only he did. Once. But he came back, and went to find Scourge, who got scared.

"YOU'RE A GHOST! HAUL TAIL!"

And Firestar killed him, and that was that.

"Thank LionClan it's all over," sighed Bluestar to Spottedleaf from StarClan. "I mean, now we can get on to more interesting heroes. Firey was getting a bit perfect and boring."

"Yeah," agreed Spottedleaf. "But he's hawt."

"Yeah," meowed Bluestar. "But you know who's hotter?"

They exchanged a glance, and then both squealed, "HAWKFROST!" at the same time.


End file.
